remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she smelled like a LAN party
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize