The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
