No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
