Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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