Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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