a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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