If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
