Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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