My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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