so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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