I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
