i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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