im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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