guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
