We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
