You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
