don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
