dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
