I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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