I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
