My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
