Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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