Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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