Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
