I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize