i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
