hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
