I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
