i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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