I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
