we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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