did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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