I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
