i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
