This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
