My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
