oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
