peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
