When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize