i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
