i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
