wanna go halves on a baby?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
