too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize