trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
