Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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