I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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