lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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