it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
