So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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