dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
