Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
