Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
