theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
