Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
