It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
