he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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