these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
