There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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