You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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