If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
