420 ftw
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
