My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Boobs speak an international language.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
