Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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