After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
