Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
