he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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