Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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