u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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