On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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