I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
