How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
