Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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