So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
