whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
