she takes plan B like it's going out of style
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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