She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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